Every Christian has at least one person in their life who tests the limits of their sanctification. You know exactly who I’m talking about. The coworker who acts like kindness is taxed by the government. The family member who thinks every conversation is a debate stage. The neighbor who treats 6 a.m. on a Saturday as the perfect time for yard work and spiritual warfare. We all have “that person.”
And then Jesus comes along and says, “Love them.”
Not “tolerate them.”
Not “avoid them.”
Not “pray they move to another zip code.”
Love them.
It sounds noble, holy, Christlike… until you actually try to do it. Then it feels like wrestling a spiritual alligator while pretending to be polite.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: loving difficult people isn’t optional for Christians. It’s not a side quest. It’s discipleship 101. Jesus didn’t say, “Love your neighbor, unless they’re irritating.” He said, “Love your enemies.” Meaning: love the people who frustrate you, confuse you, drain you, or trigger that very special eyebrow twitch you only get under extreme stress.
So how do you actually do that?
First, loving difficult people starts with remembering that you’re not exactly a breeze to love either. We like to imagine ourselves as the calm, reasonable, mature one in every situation. But if we’re honest, we’ve all been someone else’s difficult person. We’ve misunderstood, overreacted, lost patience, taken offense, or been flat-out wrong. Grace grows when you recognize how much of it you need yourself.
Second, loving difficult people means shifting from reacting to responding. Reactions are quick, emotional, impulsive—they rise up before you even think. Responses take a breath. A pause. A prayer. That tiny gap between what they do and how you answer can be the difference between escalation and peace.
You don’t have to let their behavior control your behavior.
Third, loving difficult people doesn’t mean letting them walk all over you. This is where Christians get confused. Love is not passivity. Jesus was loving—but He was never a pushover. Boundaries are biblical. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is say, “I can’t continue this conversation,” or “I need space,” or “No.” Healthy boundaries protect your heart so you can actually love from a place of strength rather than resentment.
Fourth, to love difficult people, you have to stop assigning motives. We’re experts at interpreting other people’s actions in the worst possible way. We assume they’re rude on purpose, inconsiderate on purpose, or confrontational on purpose. But you don’t know what battles they’re fighting. Trauma, fear, insecurity, loneliness—people rarely behave poorly out of pure malice. There’s almost always a root.
Empathy isn’t excusing behavior—it’s understanding the wound behind it.
Fifth, pray for them. Not the “Lord, fix this disaster of a human being” type of prayer. But a real prayer. A blessing prayer. Ask God to work in them, soften them, strengthen them, meet their needs. You can’t stay bitter toward someone you genuinely pray for. God changes your heart in the process.
And finally, remember that loving difficult people makes you more like Jesus than almost anything else you’ll ever do. Jesus loved people who misunderstood Him, lied about Him, betrayed Him, doubted Him, mocked Him, and nailed Him to a cross. If anyone knows what it’s like to love difficult people, it’s Him.
You’re not called to fix them.
You’re not called to agree with them.
You’re not even called to enjoy them.
You’re called to love them—because Jesus loved you first.
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